rain.i still have buckets in my roomfrom when you poured your heart out.plastic pails full of pain and loveand lust and tears and names and smiles.i don't know why i keep them...maybe i hope one day you'll come backto claim them.or when i'm being really dumbi let myself hope that you'll come back anywayfor me.
i hope you remember to bring the flowers.the stars whispered lateone nightas we lay beneath theirgrandeur."what if i die today?" you asked.and i told you in that case,i'd see you by tomorrow.
5:17 AMand it's sad to thinkthat if you came backto tear me apartagain,i'd let you.
midnights always last longer than they should.i spend sleepless nights in my roomstaring at your picture on my mirrorand wondering why on earth someone as beautiful as youwould ever love someone like me,but then i rememberyou don't.
how to love a boy who is lost.falllike you're jumping from a cliffinto a thrashing sea whose waters you cannot tread,dive into their depths and fill your lungs with waves.just don't close your eyes,because you have to search for him.feel your weight drag you to the bottom,feel the ocean embrace youand don't be afraid of that pounding in your chest.each heartbeat is sonara signal calling him and his calling you.learn to swim nowif you drown you cannot save him.swim to the fallen cities,the submerged castlesand maritime gardens.there you'll find him,lost in thought and studying the fish.i hope you saved some oxygenso you can breathe during the kiss.
left.i just needed you to staybut you couldn't hear me beg you,because the world outsidewas so damn loud.
meadows.you only ever picked dead flowersbecause you wanted to leave the living onesfor others to admire...i guess that's why you chose meover everyone else.
numb.i'm left standing in the rain,holding every death like a bouquet of flowers,but damn aren't these daisiesbeautiful?
happily ever after? not really.cinderella is dead,prince charming,because you read other storiesand just couldn't keep your handsfrom tangling in rapunzel's golden hairor caressing aurora's sleeping face.
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,the longest night of the year.you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.i knew you were not meant to last,powerful as a gale but fragile asthe tulip stems you snapped,a sickening cycle of you,an overwhelming tidal wave.they say two wrongs will never make a right,but i made so many bad choices thati wound up back where I began.it was too easy to love you,but getting you to love me back was impossible.i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,until my nails split into shards.you were born a phantom,and i, your corpse.holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;i fought but always sank into your arms.i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, andfound my organs choked with you,smothered by your existence.you sucked out my breathevery time i kissed you.i died every day with your handknotted in my hair.You left on june 21st,the longest day of the year.i bit down sorrow and deconstructedthe labyrinth within me,the one you hadn't th
.i think you know of hair wound tight round a hand like ropeof thoughts that sail in and let down anchorin the night, sleep drifting away on the black tide,i think you know of god up in the crow's nest, keeping watchhis eyes have rolled at us so much they rattle, loose nowin their pits like marbles, they say he knowsi have examined the slides of my childhood, uprooted my body,yanked myself out of my years with my own gloved handlike a weed and stared in disgust, it's only naturalthat you should still want to sleep with one arm overyour head, she said, don't you think?i think the sun lit upthe world's scarsand felt bad, hung its headthrough the horizonand cried in shamenow i don't think it's evergoing to stop raining(i am holding up my mind, i am shoving it in your face)
...I didn'tbuildthis castleso you couldsit onyour throneoflies.
please don't leave without them this timeWaitdon't you wantall these littlepieces of you?I've beenkeeping them safein my heart.
spell winter for me.and i'm okay with being a ghost,if you're the housei get to haunt.
Candle WaxYou meltmy heartlike candle wax,but I'm afraidover timeI'll getburnt.
where do you fall when you fall in love?i see my voice curl toward the sky in crystal breathsas i stand beneath the stars and ask the gods"where do you fall when you fall in love?"and in the distant thunder roars as zeus clears his throat.lightening strikes to start a fireand in anticipation i sit by the flames as he begins his story."love," he says, "is the beautiful medicationthat we drink to still our pain,but often it is overdosedand we always end up crashinglike a star falling from my sky."as i watch the shadows dance about his faceaphrodite proudly walks to uswith her golden grace and emerald eyes."there's a kingdom," she says with ivory verse, "just below the seaand it awaits young lovers therewhere they drown for all eternity."at the mention of the sea, poseidon falls down to usfrom his chariot atop the cliff and in his booming voice he declares;"and in that cavern the butterflies are drenchedand with heavy wings they cannot flyso they suffocate the lovers."with the quietest gait of a clumsy fox
you were the poison i couldn't wait to drink.ten thousand facescould reflect in that broken mirrorhanging behind my door,but i'll only ever see yours.other namesmay rest upon my lips,though none of themcould taste like yours.i find it funnyin a tragic, pathetic waythat no matter who is speakingit is your voiceresonating in their throats.i could burn my fingertips,so that all sensations numb,but every time i trace my memoriesyour skin would still feel like a thousand flawlessfeathers.and i could give away my heartto the most ruthless hurricane,but even it's caresswould not cut melike yours.
stupid youth.my lungs whispered and asked the smoketo danceto the sound of your slurred voicesinging off keyto whatever song came on the radio.i'm sure the stars looked down on usin amusementas we laughed and ran about that dying meadowin the ides of october.there's something bordering on nostalgiai feel for that scuffed leather jacketyou always wear.but maybe it's just dreaming.and when we finally started back homewe could have diedand for once in our livesit would have been with smiles on our faces.i wonder what the coroner would havethought.
Lonely:When you'reso unwantedthat evenyour thoughtschooseto exityour company.
...when death put its handon my shoulder,it shivered;i was alreadycold.
treasureI watched beauty die today.She said, "I've lived too longand now nobody knowswhat I really am."
NothingI heard someone sarcastically sputter,"You are what you eat."But hearing that sole sentenceallowed me to finally understandwhy I amwhat I am:Nothing.
windfallI would gather allthe seven seas for you.for me, you would notspare a raindrop.
LungsMaybe ifour lungsexhaled moneyinstead ofcarbon dioxide,we'd valuelifea little more(or maybe we'd just go broke).
.and god-i saw the moonleaking into the sea,a great big silvery slickon the wavesand as i held my hands upto the hole in her side,she smiled and soakedinto me(gentle, gentle, she doesn't have long)
DreamDancing in the darkness orReaching for the stars?Empty but full of lifeA dream or a nightmare?My mind can't tell the difference
Broken StillnessThere's a stillness to missing youthat creeps up, a stalking phantom,in silent moments. Breathless and whispering, the night is yourshadow--alive, it scoopsthe secrets lining my ribswith clawed hands. You told me,once, that watching me flitaround the room was the best part of your day.I put googly eyes on allmy pictures of you; maybe tomorrow,I'll find the strength to admityou're gone. Lost. Never cominghome. For now, I talkto these faded print-outsand tap the glassto watch your eyes move.
you're so blind.here i am drowningand you have no idea what to do,you're so lostand panicking.why don't you take your handsoff my shoulders?