i just wanted you to hold me
so tight my bones broke,
but the force cracked my heart
midnights always last longer than they should.i spend sleepless nights in my room
staring at your picture on my mirror
and wondering why on earth someone as beautiful as you
would ever love someone like me,
but then i remember
meadows.you only ever picked dead flowers
because you wanted to leave the living ones
for others to admire...
i guess that's why you chose me
over everyone else.
where do you fall when you fall in love?i see my voice curl toward the sky in crystal breaths
as i stand beneath the stars and ask the gods
"where do you fall when you fall in love?"
and in the distant thunder roars as zeus clears his throat.
lightening strikes to start a fire
and in anticipation i sit by the flames as he begins his story.
"love," he says, "is the beautiful medication
that we drink to still our pain,
but often it is overdosed
and we always end up crashing
like a star falling from my sky."
as i watch the shadows dance about his face
aphrodite proudly walks to us
with her golden grace and emerald eyes.
"there's a kingdom," she says with ivory verse, "just below the sea
and it awaits young lovers there
where they drown for all eternity."
at the mention of the sea, poseidon falls down to us
from his chariot atop the cliff and in his booming voice he declares;
"and in that cavern the butterflies are drenched
and with heavy wings they cannot fly
so they suffocate the lovers."
with the quietest gait of a clumsy fox
rain.i still have buckets in my room
from when you poured your heart out.
plastic pails full of pain and love
and lust and tears and names and smiles.
i don't know why i keep them...
maybe i hope one day you'll come back
to claim them.
or when i'm being really dumb
i let myself hope that you'll come back anyway
you don't need stars with city lights.i love the city,
because you introduced us.
your apartment was on wycliffe avenue,
a rectangular gray-brick building
that was our make-shift castle.
i could stay up all night
sitting on the fire-escape
and watch waves thrash within the harbor.
long after midnight fled
and we were still curled up
on your couch
my parents would call to ask me where i was,
even though they already knew.
late night sirens
and insomniac car horns,
mixed with your measured breathing
became a lullaby
that lured me to sleep
admists the ivory sheets.
i would always wake
just before dawn
and wait for the sun to rise
so together we could watch you awaken.
and even as i said goodbye
i was leaving my jacket
hanging on the kitchen chair
just to have another excuse
to come back.
the willows no longer weep for us, isn't that sad?hospital walls
aren't very thick
and so every night i could hear you sleeping
soundly in the room next to mine.
i wasn't trying to kill myself,
not that time,
i just wanted to make myself fall asleep
so i could find you in our dreams.
sometimes i get mesmerized, watching the flies.i'd drink the bleach
my mother pours into the sink
just to feel it eat away
at the chapped beige skin
peeling from my vermilion lips;
it's winter in this summer wasteland
and i'm jealous of the sink.
i hope you remember to bring the flowers.the stars whispered late
as we lay beneath their
"what if i die today?" you asked.
and i told you in that case,
i'd see you by tomorrow.
beautiful.i want her
like the atlantic needs a storm,
but she's causing hurricanes
to flutter in some other boy's
i choked on dandelion dust clotted to my wrists.i remember years ago,
back when i was six-years-old,
my mother called a plumber
and cursed in her sunday best
when the line went dead.
i couldn't see past the counter,
so i laid face-first against the floor
and waited for the pipes to unclog
so my parents could recommence
pouring my childhood
down the drain.
friday night.on our first
you took me to a cemetery
just outside of town.
i guess you wanted to
what you would do to me.
felt.somewhere in these tangled sheets
i know you still breathe
and somewhere in your heart
i hope my name still beats.
numb.i'm left standing in the rain,
holding every death like a bouquet of flowers,
but damn aren't these daisies
why didn't i delete this song?you're in my veins
injected from ivory headphones
doses surging at high volumes.
each note is a memory,
each verse is a kiss.
i don't want to remember,
but i don't want to forget.
i hate that you ruined this for me
what used to be my favorite song
and now all i can do
is think back
to that night in the park.
you're in my veins,
your name pumping through my heart.
you make it hard to bleed.
unrealistic ideologies of an
are toxic; breathing
is a chore. there is
a careful warmth in the
combined effort of
we are the forgotten.
we are the tangled limbs
and childhood stories for
a more sensitive future; we
are the longing, we are
we are measured
in the people we touch;
and I will love you
in the UV light of
hide and seek paranoia.
I love you in the red shimmer
of harbored dreams, I love you
in the industrial gl
writers filter out their lungs with lighter fluida briny blackthorn boy, i
am rotting, reinfected -
a skeleton's blooming from
underneath my skin; she's
between my collar bones,
she's inside my jaw, she -
she is vile, the way all necromancers are
(but god, am i envious).
...and everytime i flip
these empty pages,
i can see
are the blank
[i have nothing to say .]
don't ask me to catch youi tell her she should climb
her ego halfway up to heaven
and maybe she'll fall hard
enough to land herself
Listenin another world
i don’t exist
but you do
and i pray
you miss me
as much as
i miss you
so that one day
and i might
feel your breath
on my skin
(i dream of pathetic miracles)
Its Coming.I saw it coming;
But I did not have control.
I saw it coming;
I saw it unfold.
But I stayed there and smiled;
For when I choose..
I shall leave the Earth happy;
For I have nothing to loose.
I saw it coming;
And it saw me too.
I saw it coming;
It was like catching the flu.
But I let it dissolve me;
From head to toe.
I let it dissolve me;
In the hole of my home.
I saw it coming;
But I kept it a secret.
I saw it coming;
It tasted like chocolate.
So I let it possess me;
Because what could I do?
I let it possess me,
The Depression got through.
you tasted like mintI remember the way you stared into my eyes
in the front seat of your car.
Our favorite song was playing on the radio
and you were driving me home in the rain
because I didn't have anyone else who could give me a ride.
You parked your car in my drive way
and we watched the rain drops race down the windshield.
You had kissed me goodbye before I got out
and I waved as you drove away.
And for a while, it seemed like I couldn't get the taste
of your minty lips out of my mouth.